Why its Okay to Not Be Okay - Joshua York Legacy Foundation

Why its Okay to Not Be Okay

Jan 14, 2020 | Guest Posts | 2 comments

Sometimes things just start feeling normal and you finally start getting back on your feet. But then a rough patch, a bad day, or a major road block knocks you down and you feel like you’re back at square one.

This recently happened to me. One day I was feeling fine and then bad thing after bad thing kept happening to me and the next thing I know I’m going down this depressive hole. I started feeling beyond sad – that I couldn’t/can’t get better, and I just had a feeling I was going to do something I’d regret. I just kept bottling up all these feelings and as much as I just wanted to runaway and start a new life and ignore everything… I knew I couldn’t do that. I knew the breaking point was when I almost got in a deadly car accident and wished the car had hit me. I would have preferred not lived anymore. I felt that it would’ve made my life and the life of people around me easier.

In another blog post I’ll talk more about my suicide attempts/ thoughts but right now I wanna share some little things you can do to make things a tiny bit better when depression or anxiety hit.

1. You don’t have to have an answer for everything

It’s perfectly fine to not know what the hell is going on in your life right now. It’s okay that you don’t know how to fix all these big issues in your life. Take it day-by-day or even hour-by-hour. You don’t need to have every problem solved. Eventually all the answers will come to you, and trust me, spending every waking minute stressing won’t make them come faster.

2. Find a distraction

Finding something to distract you is a great way to slow down and take time to ease your anxiety. I always get so anxious when I’m on my phone and people don’t respond or I think are ignoring me. Turn your phone off and find something to express your creativity. Grab a pen and paper and use your imagination to soothe you. I also like to plug in headphones and bake when I need a break. It can really be whatever you want, just something to slow your mind and wandering thoughts down.

3. Remember that no one is perfect

I have this issue where I set unrealistic standards for myself and others. But having this “perfectionist” mindset will cause you to lose perspective of whats really important. Everyone has flaws. You’re allowed to screw up and it’s completely fine to not have it 100% together. The reality is, no one has it all together and it’s fine that your life may be in shambles at times.

4. You’re not alone

With social media it may seem like everyone else has it together and you’re the unlucky person trapped with no way of being as successful as everyone else. It’s so easy to post stuff about being happy or exciting things happening in your life. But it’s not so easy to post about things stressing you out.

Remember one way or another everyone is struggling, they just don’t show it. Stop comparing yourself to others and “You do You”.

5. Don’t stay quiet

It’s extremely important that when you hit a rough patch you let someone know. I’ve been in a rough patch for a few months and it has helped so much that my mom and a few close people in my life know about it. You don’t have to seem perfect and act like everything is fine. You’re allowed to breakdown, stop for a moment, and ask for help. A simple conversation can make the biggest different and can be life changing. Being able to talk to my mom and a few close friends has truly saved my life. If that seems like too much – call a helpline, seek professional advice, or even message me.

6. Slow down

Our lives are fast paced and when anxiety or stress hits there is usually not a lot of time to do anything about it. Instead of waiting until the moment you crash, schedule time to slow down and just breathe.

7. Change your environment

Bad behaviors are linked with the environment we’re in. When I’m depressed I dread being anywhere in my house but my room. I won’t leave my bed, eat, or shower for days. I’m trapped in this thought that the only place I can be myself is my room and it lets me hide from all my problems. But forcing yourself to get out of bed and leaving this environment makes the biggest difference.

8. Do what makes you happy

I have this nasty habit of relying on other people (especially guys) for happiness. But this only provides a temporary relief to the pain. Treat yourself to things that you love, especially when you’re sad. Somethings I do when I need some happiness: I love sitting at my local Barnes and Nobles; I love binge watching Love Island while sitting on my living room couch; I love organizing my makeup and cleaning all my brushes; I love going to the movies by myself; I love just going to the mall and walking around on non busy days; I love just plugging in my headphones and coloring in my cuss word coloring boom. Some people may think these things are weird…but I don’t care. It’s important to know what these things are so you can turn to them when things start getting rough

If you or someone you know struggling or is experiencing a mental health crisis call the Helpline Center through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-Talk(8255)


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  1. Annette

    I love this article! This is one of my Mantra’s that I live by and teach my own children. Thank you so much for sharing this. It is definitely ok to not be ok.

  2. Grace

    Thanks for the realistic sharing. Most people only show their perfect sides and seldom share what they actually went through on the tough roads. Together with compassion, we can make our surroundings filled with warmth and personality.


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